Stopping the Dance
by 4everwriting
Summary: This is mid season 10, slightly AU. Harm and Mac have known each other for 8 years, Mac doesn't want to go another 8 before she says what she's always wanted to. It's time to stop dancing. Will Harm agree?


I do not own JAG or any of the Characters. I own Nothing.

Was this the point they had gotten to? Exasperated she stared on at the scene, could not take her eyes away even as she felt them fill with tears. He was right there and yet he was light years away. When has they become so estranged? Their relationship felt awkward and ill fitting, it never had before. From the start they just clicked. Everything around her was foreign, so alien to her.

"Ma'am can I refill your ice tea?"

"What?... Oh, no thanks Harriet, maybe in a little bit."

"Okay, so how are…" Harriet was interrupted by the cries of her newborns upstairs. " Whoops, hold that thought."

"It's alright Harriet I'll go check on them you stay her and mingle." Aj was turning six so the Robert's had a houseful.

"If you're sure…"

"Of course, I haven't seen enough of those two." Mac turned to go up stairs not knowing that her exact conversation had played out a few moments earlier on the opposite end of the house.

"Hey Commander how are you?"

"Hey Bud, fine I guess. Big crowd today."

"Yeah, I'm just glad everyone could..." The babies waking interrupted his train of thought. "Better go check on…"

"Don't worry about it Bud I'll do it. I have been waiting for them to get up."

"Well okay thanks."

Harm smiled and left Bud to run damage control on seven over-active, hopped up on sugar little boys.

"Oh," Mac stopped short at the nursery door to find Harm picking up the second baby in his arms, "I didn't realize."

"It's okay Mac, why don't you take this little guy."

She moved over to Harm reaching to grab Andrew her hands brushed against him halting her movements. She looked up at him to find his eyes piercing hers.

"Did you just get here Mac? I haven't seen you."

"No I've been here a while, couldn't possibly miss my god-son's birthday."

"Of course not."

Alyssa started to whimper in Harm's arms. "What is it baby girl. You're okay." He rocked her gently back and fourth rubbing her back.

"They are so tiny aren't they? I can't believe Harriet and Bud have four kids. Wasn't it only yesterday that little AJ was born."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. That's a day I will never forget."

Mac buried her nose in the baby's soft skin nodding her agreement. The pain of it all was almost too much to bear. Losing Harm, losing her babies (the ones she had always wanted) it seemed as if the life she had always wanted was gone; murdered by her own stupid hands. Tears rolled down her checks.

"Hey Mac, what is it? What's wrong?" Cradling the now content Alyssa in one arm he wrapped his other around Mac. Holding her close as she silently mourned her shattered dreams.

It was an eternity before either on of them moved. Wiping her eyes Mac attempted a smile, "thanks."

"You okay."

She wanted to lie but no longer had the strength to keep time with the dance they had been in for the past eight years. "Not exactly, but enough to go down and play with my god-son."

Holding Andrew closer to her chest for fear that he too would be gone she walked towards the door. "Are you coming?"

"What do you say Alyssa you want to go wish your biggest brother a happy birthday?" She just peered at him. "I would say that's a yes. Lead the way!"

By the time the party was wrapping up the children were not the only ones who were exhausted and in desperate need of a bed, the adults had played just as hard and more the one of them looked as if they could be happy pulling up a nice piece of carpet and drifting off. "Harriet, do you want any help cleaning up?" Mac offered as Harriet was sending off the last of her guests.

"That would be great!" I was just going to leave for tomorrow, but it is always better to get a head start."

Harriet and Mac spent the next hour picking up streamers and the remains of popped balloons. Mac even found icing smeared on the leaves of the potted plant in the den. _Man you blink and the kids have the run of the place_, she thought still envious of the fact that she did not have her own little monsters to clean up after. "Harriet I think I have gotten most of the streamers, but I think you will be finding bits of silly string for weeks to come. Who knew that stuff could be so…" she gestured with her hands spanning the whole room.

"I know, I think I will have Bud do a search of the house tomorrow, as it was his bright idea to have the stuff in the first place. I swear if I ever see that stuff again!"

As she was about to go on Bud came down the stairs with a look of disgust on his face. "I finally got all that stuff out of Jimmy's hair. Icing does not come out easy and the silly string only made it stick more. I thought for a minute we were going to have to give him a military style hair cut."

"I told you that silly string was a bad idea Bud."

"But Harriet the kids had so much fun with it."

"Good the next time they want to have 'fun' you can clean it all up."

"Yeah well…"

Mac could barely suppress a yawn. "Did Harm already leave?"

"I don't think so, he didn't say good-bye to me, Bud?"

"Nope I haven't seen him for a while, come to think of that last thing I heard him say was that he was going to put the twins to bed."

"He's been pretty attached to them today."

"Well Harriet it's hard not to be, they are so precious. Let me go look for him, make sure Alyssa isn't charming the world from him yet. She's got him wrapped around her little finger. Heaven only knows what his own daughter could do." The cloud that had shadowed her face for the earlier part of the day was back as she whispered the last part.

"When you find him tell him it's easy to resist her charm, just don't look into her eyes." Bud intoned.

"Got it."

Mac found Harm asleep in the rocker in the baby's nursery, with both of them in his arms. It was a sight that made her heart clench with thoughts of 'if only.' She took Andrew out of his arms and kissed the baby on the head before putting him in his crib. Harm began to stir and opened his eyes when she took Alyssa from him. "What time is it?"

"The party ended about an hour ago, Harriet and I have just been cleaning up."

"Oh, must have dozed off." Stretched raising his arms high above his head before getting up from the rocking chair. "What a day." He yawned, his eyes still heavy with sleep.

"Are you going to be able to drive home Harm, I am more than happy to…" she couldn't finish the sentence as a yawn took over.

"You know you both are more than welcome to stay," Came Harriet's voice from the doorway. "I'll just move Jimmy into Aj's room so one of you could take his room and one the guest room."

"I don't know," they both said in unison.

"Oh, please it's no trouble. I won't have either of you as exhausted as you both are driving home at this hour."

"Harriet it's only nine." Mac reasoned using that internal clock of hers that to this day baffled Harm.

"Time does not matter both of you are dead on your feet, and I won't take no for an answer."

"Fine, I'll take Jimmy's room, Harm you can take the guest room."

"Are you sure, the guest room is bound to be more comfortable."

"Yeah, but you're bigger than me. Don't worry about it."

The smile she gave him promptly ended the conversation. By Ten the Roberts house was completely quiet, a phenomenon that did not happen often.

Mac sighed and flopped over for what felt like the hundredth time, giving up on sleep she pushed aside the dinosaur print sheets she got up. Maybe if she warmed some milk she could sleep. In reality she knew it would be unlikely, but worth the shot. She tried not to make a sound as crept downstairs. She was bending down to get a pan to warm the milk in that a hand cam to rest on her back. Startled by the contact she jumped back banging hr knee in the process.

"I'm sorry Mac, didn't mean to scare you."

"What, it's okay. You couldn't sleep either?" she asked rubbing her knee as Harm helped her up.

"Yeah."

"I was gonna warm some milk, do you want some?"

"Sure, thanks. Did you get any sleep." Harm knew that Mac tended more often than not to skip sleeping.

"I drifted off for a little bit, but mostly just tossed and turned."

"Me too."

There was a tension present in the air, Harm tried to relieve it rubbing the back of his neck with his hand, "Mac I…"

"Could you get me the milk, Harm." She needed more time before they finished the rest of that sentence. She had been dreading the rest of that sentence for a long time now; and wanted just a few more moments before what ever came after it changed their lives for better or for worse.

"I don't think it's that cold out do you want to go sit out on the porch?" Mac asked handing Harm a mug.

He nodded, guiding her towards the back door. Sitting down in the glider both were content to gaze out into the night, to enjoy the songs of the crickets and the warmth of the body next to them. "We do need to talk Mac." Harm said in a sigh.

"I know."


End file.
